After the recent loss of my dog Dylan, I thought it would be good to educate my clients on what to do if it's time to say goodbye…
Pets present a different type of love than people. Without a doubt, it is truly unconditional. The thought of having to put your dog to sleep or watching their health decline is very traumatic and being faced with death on any level can remind us all of how fragile life really is. Saying goodbye is unfortunately one of the hardest parts of owning creatures that don't out live us. There are some simple things that you can do to make things not only easier on you, your family, and your other animals in a household but also on your dog who is dying.
If I can say anything in my experience with having so many dogs in my life, the best option for your pet is to be put to sleep at home. If your vet does not perform this service, they may be happy to refer you to someone who does. Dogs and cats feel much safer and more comfortable in their own environment and it allows you to spend your last minutes and hours together and not in the scary confines of a vet's office. Sometimes, we don't have this option and your dog may already be in a state where they have to be put down quickly or they are in intensive care. For geriatrics, this is best but the main thing to remember is you don't want your animal to suffer.
My vet in Colorado who is also a friend of mine just told me something very true before I put Dylan down. She said that people often ask her if it's hard to perform euthanasia and she said no. The hardest part for her was watching people who are not able to let go of their animals and keep them going on past the point of no return. In other words, the bottom line is this: Trust your gut. The most in-humane thing to do is to put a dog and a cat through countless tests and surgeries when they are already too old or you know they are in such a horrible state that the chances of them surviving are slim to none. Be careful of veterinarians that insist on pushing things on you if you already know your dog is going to die. No one can tell you when it's time but it's a gut feeling that you have to listen to.
Another thing that is so important to know is that the process of being with your dog or cat when they are put down is not as scary as some would think. It's actually very peaceful. I can't tell you the times when my dogs have fallen asleep in my arms that I hang on to. The knowledge that you were there for them in their last and final moments is the most amazing final chapter and the most profound act of unconditional love that you can give.
For your pet that is on their way to heaven, here are some simple suggestions to help them and you in their last hours:
- Make sure you provide your dog or cat with a quiet and comfortable environment if they are at home. Their favorite bed on the floor or favorite spot in a house is perfect. Don't insist your large dog must get up on the bed or couch if they don't want to. Get a comfortable blanket that they can lay on that you don't care about. A blanket is best for a number of reasons. If they pass along in their sleep, you may find some urine or feces. This can also happen with dogs that can no longer stand up to use the bathroom. This doesn't always take place but if it does, just remove the soiled blanket and if necessary, replace it with a new one. Having them lay on a blanket or even towel for small dogs will be helpful when they are put to sleep, as your vet will most likely transport them back to the hospital for you. It's easier to place big dogs on a stretcher this way and for little dogs and cats, they can be carried out in their comfy towel or blanket. If you burry your dog yourself, this is the best way for you to move the dog's body. Also make sure you are keeping your dog hydrated. If they are not able to drink, provide them with water through an eyedropper. Small meals such as grilled chicken can be perfect if they are not interested in eating. However, don't force them to eat if they don?t want to.
- Puppies and very young children should be kept away from geriatric animals so they can sleep and relax as much as possible. Loud noises, constant activity, etc. should be kept to a bare minimum or not take place at all.
- Should your dog want to sleep for a while, let them sleep. You will see a little more spirit from them after they awake. Don't force your dog to be uncomfortable in any way. If lying next to them in their bed all night prevents them from getting rest, don't do it. If they can fall asleep with you there, feel free to spend that quality time next to them.
- Don't let your mind play tricks on you. Having a dying animal to take care of is stressful, painful and very exhausting. If you need to take a time-out to get some fresh air- by all means do so. Stay focused on your own health. Make sure you are getting rest, eating and taking some time for you. Don't feel guilty or second- guess decisions. Your dog or cat knows you are there for them even if you have to go outside and take a walk or take a shower and do some laundry. Most importantly, try not to let them know that the end is near. If you need to step outside because your emotions are coming up or you're feeling over whelmed, this is normal but try not to break down in front of your dog. I find that by doing some everyday things while they rest, not only helps me but also helps them because it makes the environment seem the same and feel normal.
- Doing things before your dog dies no matter at home or at the vet is crucial to your own recovery. I put away or take off their collar, put away their dish and leash, pick up the yard and put away their food and favorite toys if they aren't interested in them. I do this so after they have passed; I don't have to be reminded of them wherever I go.
- Letting your dogs see the body of another dog that has passed on really has no proven affect on them. In my experience, it makes dogs more depressed. Your other animal's can smell and sense death. They know what is happening. You may see them go up and sniff your dying dog, stay to themselves and just leave them alone. This is normal and this is how they go through their own process of grief. You may find they will sniff more of the areas of where the dog went out to use the bathroom last, they will try to engage in the same games but realize the other dog isn't their to play with them, not have much of an appetite, etc. These are all part of the grieving process for dogs. Letting them see the body is actually irrelevant. They should know that your dog has passed away regardless. Remember dogs are much more sensitive to this stuff than we are.
- The best thing to do for your other animals (and for yourself) to get out of a depression about the loss is to get out of the house and get some exercise. Take your dogs to a place that you all have never been before just so there are no triggers to remind you of your lost companion. Play new games with your other dog(s) to replace the one's they once played with the pet that has passed on. Call your friends and family and reach out to talk to those you love for support. Take your other dog(s) on a little get away in your car. Keep yourself busy with work, friends and activities you can do with your other pets.
- Let yourself go through the grieving process. Just like when we loose family members, we all have to grieve. You will experience the same process with loosing a best friend. You may find your grieve come in waves. One minute you're fine and the next you're not. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and know that it's normal. Don't beat yourself up or second-guess your decision to have to put your dog down. Try not to go into the "what if" thinking mode. Trust your gut and know you did the right thing. Don't feel as if you have to be strong all the time. If you have small children, explain to them where your animal went and when the time is right and you feel up to it, you may want to bring in another animal into your home. As with anything, time heals all pain and all of us grieve a loss in our own way. Keep active and reach out to those who are there for you.
- SIGNS YOUR DOG MAY BE DYING: If your dog is on it's way down hill fast, here are some signs that the end is near…
- You may notice them loose their balance when they walk. In this case, you may have to help them get outside to use the bathroom. A towel under their stomach works great to keep them stable. You may also notice them have a hard time to use the bathroom or they can't make it outside so they accidentally relieve themselves in the house. By all means- obviously don't scold them for this but keep your other dogs away from the smells or they may go to the bathroom too. Clean it up as fast and as good as possible and you may have to hire a professional carpet cleaner after your dog has passed away.
- Breathing may change and body temperature will drop.
- The biggest sign is the look in their eyes. The eyes may glass over, pupils may become bigger or their eyes will start twitching back and forth. The dog's eyes are true tellers to know if the hour is approaching. They may just not look or be acting like themselves.
- Blood in the urine and/or stool could be signs of cancer (not to be confused with dogs that may have an average bladder infection, etc).
- Whining when they breathe or looking for a spot to lay down, getting up repeatedly to look for another spot, etc. can be signs that they are uncomfortable or their stomach is upset. If they are on lots of pain medicine, you may want to ad in some Pepcid or Prilosac based on their body weight to reduce stomach acid. By all means, always consult your vet first but this is not harmful.
- Lack of interest in food and toys is always a sign to be aware of. Don't force your dog to eat if they don't feel up to it. Give them white rice and plain chicken to eat to ease their stomach.
- Keep emergency numbers handy. Don't hesitate to get your dog into an emergency clinic if they are suffering and can't wait for someone to get to the house to put him or her down. If the pain is too much for them to bear, bleeding or injuries are significant, get them right in and don't wait. Remember to ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTICTS.
- ELDERS AND PETS: If someone you love is older and loosing an animal, it is crucial to assist them in this process. Sometimes geriatric people bond to pets in a more significant way after loosing a spouse, etc. because this is all they have. It's very important to be of assistance and remember that this time for our elders is much more intense than a younger person. Be there to support them through this process whole-heartedly.
- FINAL ARRANGEMENTS: Some people find it easier to take care of payment and final arrangements a day or so before there pet is put to sleep. Paying for euthanasia after the fact can be at a time where you are too vulnerable and upset to deal with it. Try to make arrangements prior to going through the process that way it's done and taken care of and won't be a reminder when you get a bill in the mail or you have to give your vet your credit card when your animal has just died.
Another decision to make is what you would like to do with the remains. In this area, the options are very similar to people. You can have your pet cremated, buried at a pet cemetery or in a special place such as your back yard. Personally, I like to have my dog's ashes. Some services are available to purchase and pick out special urns and caskets. To me, I like to have my dogs always with me but one day I will spread their ashes in a very special place in the mountains. Decide what you would like to do on a personal level with your pet's remains and initiate that process prior to your animal dying.
In all cases, be kind to yourself, your family and your other animals and know that with each passing day it will get better. Tell your dog or cat how much you love them and how much they mean to you while you can. Pet them softly and let them know that you are right there beside them to send them off to that special place where you will all meet again and be together one day…