Howling At The Moon

Posted by jennifer on October 2, 2009 in .

My hands freeze as I type. Max has one eye on my iphone as I type these words into the small keyboard. He tries to steal it and in turn, I put it right into his mouth so it seems not such a big deal anymore. The moon is full with hints of grey over snow-like white. Every star is out. I warm one hand in my pocket while the other- bare skin exposed to the bitter cold. The wolves play and I play with them. The stare me down and I chase them soon to be chased back like a freight train barreling at full speed toward me in the dark. I push, they play bite and I thank my lucky stars I have this heavy jacket on as their teeth can cut skin like a knife to butter. We wrestle and as much as they think I am top wolf, the honest truth is- if they wanted too, they could tear me into shreds. I feel a lot safer with a wolf than I ever do a wolf-dog. Their teeth are so controlled and they are so intelligent. If you learn their language and they invite you into their world, you are a part of the family. Sometimes families have arguments and sometimes they need to make a point but it's always for a reason.
The thing I love about being alone up here is that I can never be disappointed around animals. I think humans hold other humans in such high regard for the little things- we unconsciously want people to be perfect more often than maybe we care to admit. I have learned that animals never disappoint me no matter what they do. I am much more forgiving of their mistakes. Perhaps, this again is another lesson that they are teaching me as I watch them interact with each other, my dogs and myself.
Today after hiking and pondering my comings and goings over the last month, through all the situations I have been in, I came to one decision: I have to be authentic and true to my values. I will always will I stand up for what I believe is right and not apologize for it. I feel like as a woman, we tend to apologize sometimes for getting our point across or standing up when other's may just smile and agree. This isn't to say that I'm not willing and open to learning but if I believe in something for the safety of an animal, never, ever will I compromise that- bottom line and I won't apologize for it either.
We all make mistakes- we are all animals and should always be open to forgiveness and a willingness to learn.
As a magpie flies over the fence, Max watches. If I could only be inside his head. Wolves are thinkers, dogs are followers. This I write from a house up on 40 acres in the mountains.
I say goodnight by instigating a howl- Max & Henry, their mouths open like a trained opera singer. The song is guttural though universal, and we sing in harmony under the full moon. They stop and wait to listen if any wolves howl back. This time is like all the times before- but nothing. Only the air is silent and the chilly cold tells the story of a lonely Colorado
Mountain without the predator in it's forest. Death still lingers from 1934 when the last remaining wolf was shot...

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